INVENT THE FLYING HOVERBOARD. Yes. That’s right. You heard me. Invent it. Right now. Don’t look so gung ho about taking on life NOW, do you? Not when someone has given you actual work to do.
There isn’t a man on Earth who doesn’t wish he could hop on a hoverboard and McFly 1,000 feet in the air to a floating 23rd century taco stand. Hundreds of graduating classes have come and gone and NOT invented the flying hoverboard yet. Wanna be special? Wanna be remembered? Want everyone to say, “Hey, that Pepi Hamburger made a DIFFERENCE.”? Then don’t go to Africa and work with AIDS babies or something stupid like that. Invent my ass a fucking hoverboard, and make it light and maneuverable. And don’t give me some shit like, “But it’s not actually feasible. The power source alone would weigh too much, and balance would be a constant problem. Wahhhhhhh Wahhhhhhh!” I don’t hear Steve Jobs accepting that kind of excuse when his cancer-riddled skeleton hosts an ideation meeting. Those old 1950’s newsreels used to say we’d have restaurants on the moon by now. But we don’t. Know whose fault that is? YOURS, ASSHOLE. Make a hoverboard. And make it affordable. It’s worthless to me if I gotta shell out more than, like, a grand for it.
A Simple Request of the 2010 Graduating Class